Stranded

Hits: 51
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                    Stranded                               
                                                                           
                                       By                                  
                                                                           
                                Nikola Stojkovic                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                        This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.      
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                    AT RISE: Robert and Grape, two 26 year old men sit     
                    on a deserted beach. Their clothes are in tatters      
                    and their wrecked rowboat lies in pieces on the        
                    shoreline. Behind them is a thicket of palm trees      
                    and vines.                                             
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               Oh my god.                                                  
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               Are we dead? Is this heaven?                                
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               If I’m dead, and I’m still stuck with you, I’ll kill        
               myself.                                                     
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               How will you kill yourself if you’re already dead,          
               dumbass?                                                    
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               I don’t know, maybe there are layers to dying... like       
               Inception.                                                  
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               Dying is like injecting your semen into a woman?            
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               No, INCEPTION. The film. It’s a film. You’ve never seen     
               Inception?                                                  
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               Dude I don’t have cable.                                    
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               It’s not... you know what? Shut up.                         
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               See that’s exactly how I know it’s not heaven. God          
               doesn’t let assholes like you into heaven because you’d     
               just fuck things up for everyone else. He’s probably        
               already tired of your shit here on earth.                   
                         (Mocking)                                         
               Ooh look at me, I’m Richard and I’m better than             
               everyone because I have cable!                              
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               It’s not on cable! It’s on dvd! You get the fucking         
               dvd!                                                        
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                  2.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               Oh so now you’re going to lord dvds over me too?            
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               Never mind, just... never mind. We’ve got more pressing     
               problems, like where the fuck are we? That storm            
               completely trashed our boat. Look at it.                    
                                                                           
                    He gestures to the broken pieces. Grape studies        
                    the boat.                                              
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               Yup, it’s broken.                                           
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               Yeah thanks, I couldn’t tell. We’re stranded on a           
               deserted island, what do we do now?                         
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               Is that a trick question?                                   
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               What?                                                       
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               It’s a deserted island. What the fuck is there to do?       
               We sit here until someone picks us up, or we die. If we     
               die, at least we’ll die tan.                                
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               Speak for yourself. We’ve got to do something! Look at      
               those clouds, I think another storm is on the way. We       
               need to build shelter, find food, drink...                  
                                                                           
                    Grape gets up and walks over to the boat. Robert       
                    stands and watches him. Grape rummages around the      
                    boat and fishes out an empty tuna can. He places       
                    it in the sand carefully and unzips his pants.         
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               What the hell are you doing?                                
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               Is that a trick question?                                   
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               Grape, I swear to god.                                      
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               I’m taking care of the drink.                               
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                  3.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               What!                                                       
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               Dude I watched enough survival shows to know that the       
               best thing to do in a situation like this is to drink       
               your piss. Bear Grylls does it all the time, and            
               Robert, I think he would know. The dude can never seem      
               to find civilization.                                       
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               Grape, those shows are bullshit! There’s probably a         
               producer right off camera waiting with a water bottle       
               and sunscreen every time they cut. Besides, those shows     
               hold no cultural value whatsoever, you probably get         
               dumber watching them.                                       
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               Grape, how did you watch Bear Grylls’ show if you never     
               had cable?                                                  
                                                                           
                    Grape shrugs and zips his pants back up.               
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               Internet.                                                   
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               And I bet you’ve never heard of streaming.                  
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               What does it look like I’m trying to do here? You wont      
               let me stream.                                              
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               Just... forget about it. The sun’s really beating down      
               here. We need to get into that forest. Can you tell the     
               difference between edible berries and poison ones?          
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               Me? What do I look like to you? See I grew up in            
               Indiana, the only thing I can tell the difference           
               between is a tractor and a combine.                         
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               Your name is Grape. Aren’t your parents some kind of        
               hippy tree huggers? You guys didn’t eat berries with        
               your flower soup?                                           
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               Dude my parents named me Grape because that was my          
               mom’s favorite fruit. They were actually pretty             
               conservative. My dad made me wear the same shirt for        
               the first twelve years of my life. He said I would just     
               outgrow a new one.                                          
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                  4.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               I don’t think that’s what conservative means.               
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               Yeah, and inception isn’t injecting semen into females.     
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               It’s not!                                                   
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               Don’t believe everything they tell you on cable, dude.      
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               Have I mentioned that I fucking hate you?                   
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               Yeah, but I don’t think you really mean it.                 
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               Ok listen, I didn’t take that shitty purser’s job so        
               that I could die out here with you. I’ve got plans,         
               man. I promised my girl a ring, and I intend to make        
               good. So we need to see if there is anything else on        
               this island that can help us survive. We don’t even         
               know how big it is. Here’s what we’ll do, I’ll go down      
               by those rocks and see if I can see any signs of human      
               activity. You go up to the forest and see how far it        
               stretches.                                                  
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               Yeah I’m not really familiar with stretching. I was         
               never very flexible. I think I’d need a ruler to            
               measure how far-                                            
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               Grape. Go. See. How. Big. The. Forest. Is.                  
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               Yeah I don’t know... Have you seen Life of Pi? There        
               might be a tiger hiding out in those trees, and you’re      
               clearly much smarter than me. I think you should go.        
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               No I uh... I didn’t have cable. Since you know how it       
               ends, you’ll deal better in a crisis. If anything bad       
               happens, drink your piss. Now go!                           
                                                                           
                    Grape walks stage right and stares off into the        
                    distance, while Robert walks stage left and            
                    stares. They both return to the middle after a         
                    pause.                                                 
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                  5.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               Did you find anything?                                      
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               Yeah I found this weird looking leaf. I’m pretty sure       
               it’s poison ivy. What do you think?                         
                                                                           
                    He holds up a leaf and Robert jumps back.              
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               Don’t touch me with that! I mean did you find anything      
               human, man-made, footprints, anything?                      
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               No, just a mirage.                                          
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               A mirage?                                                   
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               Yeah there was this hut made out of wood, with a            
               campfire, and this guy was sitting there cooking            
               something, he saw me and smiled. He seemed nice... but      
               then I thought, this whole thing looks wavy. Like I         
               said, a mirage.                                             
                                                                           
                    He makes a wave motion with his arms.                  
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               You talked... to a mirage?                                  
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               Yeah. I thought it was weird at first, but then I just      
               decided to roll with it. I mean, that could be normal       
               here. It could be one of those weird islands, like on       
               Lost.                                                       
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               How the fuck did you watch Lost! You don’t have- you        
               know what, I don’t care. I. Don’t. Care.                    
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               Yeah see, I don’t remember there really being any           
               mirages in Lost, so I guess this island isn’t that much     
               like it.                                                    
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               You can’t talk to a fucking mirage! You can’t interact      
               with it at all! It’s just light playing tricks on your      
               eyes. If you spoke with the man, then it’s not a            
               mirage!                                                     
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                  6.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               Pretty sure it was, it was wavy.                            
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               What was?                                                   
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               The whole image.                                            
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               Was it... was it coming from the campfire?                  
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               Is that a trick question?                                   
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               How could that be a trick question!?                        
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
                         (Slowly)                                          
               Because it was a mirage, so there was no campfire.          
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               This must be hell. I’ve got to be dead.                     
                                                                           
                    Robert runs stage right to the forest, leaving         
                    Grape standing there. He runs back after a moment.     
                    Grape’s positioning is the same.                       
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               You idiot! Those waves are heat waves from the fire!        
               The cabin, the campfire, they’re all there! It’s not a      
               mirage!                                                     
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               What about the man?                                         
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               There was no man.                                           
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               Is that a trick statement?                                  
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               Shut up!                                                    
                                                                           
                    Robert sinks into the sand and massages his eyes.      
                    Grape regards him. Jesús, a man dressed in rags        
                    and with long hair and a scraggly beard enters         
                    from the forest and walks up behind them.              
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                  7.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
          JESÚS                                                            
               Hello.                                                      
                                                                           
                    Robert jumps to his feet and whirls around.            
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               Jesus!                                                      
                                                                           
          JESÚS                                                            
               Jesús.                                                      
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               Jesus?                                                      
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               Who the hell are you?                                       
                                                                           
          JESÚS                                                            
               Jesús.                                                      
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               Jesus!? The mirage man is Jesus! Holy shit this is          
               Heaven! So why the hell are you still here, Robert?         
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               Grape, he’s not Jesus.                                      
                                                                           
          JESÚS                                                            
                         (Booming)                                         
               Jesús!                                                      
                                                                           
                    Grape falls to his knees and clasps his hands          
                    together in prayer.                                    
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               His name is Jesús, like Hey-Zeus, not Jesus, he’s           
               probably Mexican.                                           
                                                                           
          JESÚS                                                            
               Colombian!                                                  
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               Ok, stop yelling.                                           
                                                                           
          JESÚS                                                            
                         (Whispered)                                       
               Colombian.                                                  
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               Yeah? Well I am damn glad to see you. From the looks of     
               you, you’ve been here a while. Managed to keep some         
               weight too. You’re a survivor. I think we’re going to       
               be ok. Where did you come from?                             
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                  8.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               From the mirage!                                            
                                                                           
          JESÚS                                                            
               From my village.                                            
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               There’s a village here?                                     
                                                                           
          JESÚS                                                            
               Yes. Just past the trees.                                   
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               Oh my god, we’re not alone! How did you know we were        
               here?                                                       
                                                                           
          JESÚS                                                            
               Your friend told me. I see you’ve been washed ashore in     
               the storm.                                                  
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               You have no idea how long we’ve been stuck at sea           
               before that. Of all the housekeeping staff to get in my     
               lifeboat, I got this idiot.                                 
                                                                           
                    He gestures to Grape, who is still bent down in        
                    prayer.                                                
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               Jesus doesn’t like a bully.                                 
                                                                           
                     Jesús takes him by the arm and raises him to his      
                    feet.                                                  
                                                                           
          JESÚS                                                            
               Please, there is no need for that.                          
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               As selfless in death as he was in life.                     
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               Jesús, it sounds like you’ve been here for a long time.     
               Do you by any chance know where in the world we are?        
                                                                           
          JESÚS                                                            
               Colombia.                                                   
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               Colombia? This isn’t an island?                             
                                                                           
          JESÚS                                                            
               No.                                                         
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                  9.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               It’s heaven, moron.                                         
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               Oh thank god, we’re not in the middle of nowhere. This      
               is the best news I’ve had all day! Can you take us to       
               your village?                                               
                                                                           
          JESÚS                                                            
               Yes of course. Follow me.                                   
                                                                           
                    The three of them turn and walk back towards the       
                    forest. Jesús stops suddenly, and turns back to        
                    Robert and Grape.                                      
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               What’s the matter?                                          
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               I trust you have passports?                                 
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               What?                                                       
                                                                           
          JESÚS                                                            
               You have entered a new country, yes? We require you to      
               have a passport for entry.                                  
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               Oh no. My passport’s expired. I didn’t know you needed      
               one to get into heaven! Can I get like a worker’s visa      
               or something? Please Jesus!                                 
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               Dude! We’ve washed ashore. We don’t have any food or        
               water! We’ll die out here!                                  
                                                                           
          JESÚS                                                            
               So sorry, but rules are rules. You may stay here until      
               you have the proper documents for entry. The beach is       
               no man’s land.                                              
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               God dammit!                                                 
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               Smooth dude, right in front of our Lord and Savior.         
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               Shut up! Jesús, can we at least use the hut in the          
               forest? The one with the campfire?                          
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                 10.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
          JESÚS                                                            
               Oh that... that is a mirage.                                
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               What!                                                       
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               Told you.                                                   
                                                                           
          JESÚS                                                            
               Yes, crazy shit. All wavy. It’s like Lost or something.     
                                                                           
                    A pause. Robert looks visibly broken.                  
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
               I’m in hell. This really is hell. Who knew hell was in      
               fucking South America.                                      
                                                                           
                    He walks past Jesús and Grape back towards the         
                    center of the stage and sits down in the sand,         
                    looking out at the sea. Jesús and Grape stand          
                    awkwardly together.                                    
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               So Jesus, I always wondered, did you really part the        
               Red Sea with your hands, or did you use like, a really      
               big bucket?                                                 
                                                                           
          JESÚS                                                            
               That wasn’t-                                                
                                                                           
          ROBERT                                                           
                         (Sullen)                                          
               Don’t argue with him. It’s best to just shut up and         
               accept it.                                                  
                                                                           
                    Jesús looks at Robert, then back at Grape. He          
                    shakes his head and turns, walking back off the        
                    way he came, back into the forest. Grape shrugs        
                    his shoulders.                                         
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               Oh, ok. I get it, it’s a secret.                            
                                                                           
                    He sits down next to Robert.                           
                                                                           
          GRAPE                                                            
               Makes sense. If he told people, then anyone could do        
               it. I bet it was a bucket.                                  
                                                                           
          CURTAIN.